What to do if your boyfriend has an online dating profile
I recently discovered that he unlike me has kept his online profile this entire time. I used his computer to look up a recipe since it was on the kitchen table, and I saw that he still receives emails from the site recommending matches — and he reads them! But am I wrong to be a little weirded out by this? You are not wrong — or right — to be weirded out by this. What matters now, and where right and wrong are valid, is what you do with the information. It would be wrong to come out, accusations blazing, and corner your boyfriend on the profile and the emails. There are just too many possible explanations for what you saw.
The right thing would be to tell him you noticed these emails, tell him how you feel about it, and pay careful attention to the way he reacts — body language, emotions, words — and run it through the filter of what you know about him already. Then you decide whether this is something, and he is someone, you need to worry about.
If, instead, you jump to conclusions, you risk introducing anger and defensiveness, both of which are notorious for making the truth both harder to express and harder to detect. Saying you know someone is not cheating is also a mistake, because it, too, is a step toward closing your mind to negative information. No one knows about anyone but themselves, and the sooner we get comfortable with that, the better we handle the vagaries of any relationship. I have been there. Thankyou Louise so miuch for being brave and honest I have one such man and it is just awful I dont trust him so ultimately will end the relationship Its so painful as we get on so well and are very compatible I am very angry and disappointed in his behaviour.
DO NOT let them guilt you when they say.. Yeah everything you said is like what im going through. I have a boyfriend that is always coming home from work all happy but when he goes to take a shower i lool in his phone and i see that hes been going on different websites he has a gmail facebook msn and a zoosk and i see thar in his phone under history that shows all the.
Shit hes been doing behind ky bsck he doesnt delete them so i find them.
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Why is he doing this? He even doesnt like to male love with me sometimes at nigjt! It feels like hes rejecting me! He sometomes sleeps with his back turned to me! I hate that also when hes really mad he calls me bad names. But later on apologises. He likes to say i dont love you as. Before when hes mad! And he denies going on any websites. It kills me because he swears it by god! But i dnt know if its all togther true! Help me please is he cheating on me over the internet???? The guy and I met on eHarmony shortly after we both signed up, in early July. With their payment system, however, we both have to continue to pay until September.
But he texted me tonight in the middle of our conversation telling me that he updated his with new photos! His excuse was that he had to pay until September no matter what true and that he did it just because. Too bad for him that he was stupid enough to tell me what he did without me even asking or snooping lol. I just feel as if I deserve the truth— if he wants to keep looking for something better, then I should be too. I dated the pig too.
OMG,,i feel everything that has been spoken about here. Iam older,,59,,dating a 54 year old. At 3months i asked him why hes still on the dating sight where we met,,he yelled at me,,said nothing to worry about,,said he doesnt talk to anyone,,so i said well then its just like looking through a imaginer then,,he said yes. Well i surest he remove his pic then,,as no one will write to u with no pic. I check back in 3 more months and pics still there. I left him for one week.
I also went on a dinner date,,i told him of this,,and i was given roses from my date. We are back together,,he has never told me that he removed his profile,but i have checked twice now,,its gone,,or hes just removed the picture. Which will work for now. Why do men feel the need to look,,he tells me he loves me,,we talk of moving in together,,i see him 4days a week. Two of them i sleep over. Whats going to happen with long term?
I have been seeing him now for 7months. I was very hurt by this,,i was so disrespected as a women,,and i told him i closed my account,,and one day i put my pics back up,,he emailed me on this sight to say,,you look great. What the hell is wrong with these men? WEll only time will tell. I almost walk away for good. I was just so hurt,,and it gave me reasons to not trust,,at my age i dont need or want that kind of trust in my life. Good luck to all of you both men and women. Go with ur gut in stinks. When u love someone,,its tough,,i know.
Then I went on a date with a guy who told me about how many scam emails from women he gets from Russia, ect….
Lifestyle & Relationships
I had been told this before but had forgotten. I do not have a very big social life,to me dating sites are alternatives to meet some one. I has the same issue with my ex for 7 months he even gave me a promise ring and he tols me he loves me and i am the only one he wants,my cousin opens an account on pof the same site where i met him,and guess who was there active? Now i have a trust issue with everyone else because of this matter. Please women out there we deserve better,take your time to know well who you are dating,there are many bad,heart less men out there…. A cheater will be always a cheater ….
Life is short live your life to the fullest ……god bless. Why go to a dating site to look for friends while monogamous? Look into a healthy interest group on meet up dot com or your local church, for example. Trust is believing in someone to treat you with respect. Going to a dating site is disrespectful to the one with whom you are monogamous. If you want out or are thinking about it — get out before you are tempted to check things out. I am currently going through this we have been dating for 6 months and had plenty of talks on my boyfriend being online daily. He did change his profile to hang out only.
I met what I thought was a nice, normal guy. We were both on match met there then talked further when we got on plenty of fish site. After dating for a couple months, I deleted y profile from match and pof. He shrugged it off, saying that he was just flirting, or being friendly, because they messaged him first, anyway, i started dating him again I know, stupid!! I am finally done. I never thought I could be so gullible, naive. I really am not meeting anyone that I like at all, so I guess I thought I had to settle, but life is too short.
Its narcissistic pathological abuse to you. The question is, What should I do? Why do I see him an innocent in my dreams everytime I think to leave him? Wow, the same thing happened to me. He had two profiles on POF.. He denied it saying one of his friend knew we were having trouble and signed him up for the site. That he had to investigate to find out who it was. The profile came down the next day. Ironically everytime he was online the profile on POF was active as well. He has his relationship status on Facebook as being in a relationship with me; but you set it on privacy setting and I think he has it set to where only he and I can see that..
So if it walks talks and acts like a duck…. I went out with a guy I met online and he seemed nice and we got serious…well it was for a couple of months. Then I had an instinct to look online and found him back on line…questioned this. If they have no money or home etc they are looking for someone else to give it to them. ANYWAY this looser is now communicating with a young women who looks 18 says she is 28 lives overseas and lets face it..
Probably not…I suspect a case of stolen identity and he is about to be scammed big time. What would a young attractive woman want with a balding, fat, impotent and self centered man??? I am now laughing at him!!! I think you need to let him know that he needs to stop doing this. Letting a friend use the account is no excuse or at least a very poor one. His friend could create a free profile…no need to use his. Sounds like a pretty weak excuse to me. This just happened to me two days ago for a second time with a guy I was seeing for 7 months.
We met online and a couple months ago I checked the site to see if he still had his profile up. I texted him and he called me to explain why. I asked he take down his profile…. For shame I let this slide and continued to see him until recently. He played the image of a sweet, witty, sensitive guy that had lots of female friends.
What do you do when the guy you have been dating for over four years still has an active match.
Online Dating Blog
I recently moved in with my boyfriend of over four years and was using his computer. I saw he had recently been on match. Do I confront him or just ignore it. Everything else is great. People like that are selfish, arrogant, users, I feel he used me as he could not find anyone else to stay long enough with him and tolerate him. I did, but now I rather be alone than be used. Um…I think I would talk to him about it. I am not sure what to think really, other than it makes me feel like i would be 2nd choice. How do you suggest brining up this topic without being completely accusatory with someone?
I am having similar issues as these women…. I have been seeing someone for 4 months, we have had the talk about being boyfriend and girlfriend — which we now are. A few weeks ago, I noticed it was 3 days in a row. It was driving me crazy, so I said something.
I asked him if he was still looking for someone and he said no, that he had gotten a few emails from a woman out of our state and just read them. He has not been on there since, but has not deleted it yet either. I also found out that he uses Flirt and Are You Interested through Facebook and it appears that on one of those sites he was recently active, although I am not sure how long it takes to not log into the account for it to say otherwise. I am not sure what to do or how long to wait to ask him about not deleting his account and also how to ask him about his other accounts.
Things have been going wonderful aside from this, he seems very genuine and kind, not the type of person to cheat at all. All of his past relationships were very long term. He talks of a future with me, so I am stumped on how to handle this, help please!! My ex boyfriend of 13 months flirted with women all the time, though I never felt threatened until a year into the relationship. His feelings had changed, he was flirting with a woman by text on his phone whose name he was lying about.
I read the messages and confronted him, and he used the excuse that he did not cheat, flirts all the time, but he is also very insecure with himself and his age. We all flirt, sure, but this I consider cyber cheating. The other woman does not know that a girlfriend exists, and he thinks he is allowed and that it is not disrespectful. We, of course, broke up, and he can now continue to look for whatever he thinks he deserves but will never find. I have the exact opposite problem.. Perhaps, you, Brad, can help me out and explain this.
I met this guy a little over 3 weeks ago on POF… After going out every day for about 10 days, talking on the phone daily several times a day, and texting in between he complained that I still had a profile up on POF so did he. I removed my profile; he HID his!!! Then we had a discussion about being exclusive including removing profiles, etc. He did remove his profile from POF and match. To me this sounds like some trust issues on his part that go deeper than the visibility of a dating profile. You were co-operative which again makes me think he just feels insecure.
I too am going through a similar issue. I have been with my guy for almost two years. Well his last stint out of town really had the jealousy wheels turning, for the reason mentioned above, as well as his recent induction into the world of Facebook in which I am nowhere to be found on his profile mentioned as a girlfriend or a picture and he listed he is interested in…. He read the mail, which was someone winking at him.
No picture or other information and right after creating and logging in yesterday, he unsubscribed from emails. But did not delete his account. Glad to know there are others out there but it saddens me to know that this seems to be so common amongst mostly men. If nothing comes of the browsing, is it worth mentioning and possibly creating a huge fight over? I think I just found my answer, as hard as it is to swallow. If I went browsing on dating site, my wife would punch me in the nose and I support her in that decision.
Why look at real people in your area and be tempted to contact them? There are issues with Match. I really just wanna punch him the face!!! After my emotional abusive ex broke up with me I looked into his emails as I thought there was more to it. We lived together for two years. Anyway I saw an email he and his friend were sending eachother. And how he has to man up and give me the breakup speech. He met the ex before me on there and I asked him which one they met on and he said he forgot.
And he always deleted his browser history. I hate to say it but I am glad that I am not the only one to have been in this horrible position. Ladies, this is just pitiful. We are strong and wonderful creatures so can we please start to act like it? This goes for me, too. After all, in my mind it is much, much better to be single and happy than to be with someone who makes you feel inadequate, insecure and overall lonely. I met a guy a year ago off match. For about months it was on and off.
We went a great mount of time not seeing each other or talking. Over the summer we just randomly stopped talking. This past September he initiated contact and we have been dating ever since. We talk on the phone every day and see each other times a week. In November I texted him and told him I really liked him and needed to know if he saw this going somewhere. He said he really liked me too and that he was going with the flow.
He said he is always busy and tired from work which he is , but would like to see each other more and see where it goes. I asked if he was dating anyone else and he said no. I assumed after this conversion we were exclusive. The past three weeks he has been extremely busy more than usual and I have only seen him once. Some friends suggested that maybe he was dating other girls and recommended I check if he was still on match.
I reactivated my account yesterday, and looked him up, and sure enough he had logged on the day before. I checked again and he was online again today. Im so heartbroken since we have known each other for almost a year now. I am currently going through what everyone on here has. This is the third guy I have dated that has done this. I am about ready to confront him about it when he comes down this weekend.
Ask a Guy: We’re Dating, But He Still Checks Match.com
He should not be surprised after all he is the one who said he would delete his. I just reactivated mine. I am waiting to see if he says anything about it. Exclusivety if that is a word is what any serious relationship is about. There are somewhere guys who ARE looking for a serious relationship. Go online yourself then give him the flick!! Emailed for two months.
Scheduled a visit to see me. Prior to his visit, my subscription ended, so I hid my profile so as not to get any more emails, though I did get some from previous corresponders. I logged in now and then, and noticed for about a week his was still on. Another week goes by and his profile is gone. So then I got to checking his activity, while I was hidden. Silly cat and mouse. What do you make of that? I know why mine is hidden and active now — checking on his activity. I wonder why his is hidden and active… any ideas other than he could be doing the same as I am?
Anyway, we finally met in my state a couple of weekends ago. This is his typical MO from before we met, I just thought after meeting, claiming he had a great time, wants me to visit, wants to come back that he would contact more. I really can only guess but I do think hiding the profile is a great first step. A year into our relationship I found out that the same week he met me he had a one night stand and she became pregnant as the result.
I had a very hard time accepting this and I will admit it took me a long time to get over it. Also in the same month he became a father he took a vacation to Australia for a week to visit a long time female friend, who paid for the trip. I did not approve of this trip since she had told him in the past that she thought she was in love with him. He explained to me that she was married and had a family and her husband knew that he was coming to visit. So again I had to get over it.
About a year and a half onto our relationship I found that he had not signed out of his email so I started reading them. I couldnt believe my eyes! Messages from all kinds of women. So he took me to pick out a engagement ring and I forgave him. Now were two years into the relationship, I have never received the ring, I think he went and got his deposit back, and today I found him on a dating website. Hi Brad, I met my boyfriend from Okcupid. He even have dreams and plans for our future. On our first month of our relationship, he introduced me to his family who were took a vacation here in US they from Ireland.
Regarding for sex, we usually have sex 3 times a week, thus, this really puzzled me. I also found this out that his lying that he will remove his account the said dating site. Brad, I need your advice. Vhalotte — I wrote another article that expanded on this topic that you can see here: I do think you need to bring this up with him.
I have been dating a guy for a year and a half — met through friends. We talked about marriage — we already have kids from prior realationships. I recently found out hes on a dating website — no pic, not paying account. I know his passwords so when i checked it, i found out that he browes pictures, and emailed 4 woman. He received many emails but he cant open since hes not a paying user.
The guy I'm seeing is still using dating sites. What should I do? | Life and style | The Guardian
Should I confront him? Is this something men do just in their spare time, browse? I sent a note to POF to let them know that could cause problems! See if they fix it…. Another thing to consider — I may be wrong, but Match. However, this only happens if the profile is visible which often is the real problem. Thanks for the clarification about Match. Internet dating certainly does complicate life….
Saved me all that misery…… a good thing! I have been dating the same girl for almost 7 months now and her excuse for being online was originally that she wanted to try and get her 6 month guarantee money from Match. She told me this when were at the 4 month mark of dating. We are both in our 40s so game playing time should have been up long ago. She acted offended that I would confront her about it and said she would take it down.